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<title>Don't Tell Me You Were Actually In Vietnam by thetrueihaveaname07</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28340199">Don't Tell Me You Were Actually In Vietnam</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thetrueihaveaname07/pseuds/thetrueihaveaname07'>thetrueihaveaname07</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Umbrella Academy (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, dave is mentioned, i dont know whats going on here yall im scrapped for ideas, i think this is how you tag things, idk how to tag stuff, it's still 26th in the uk so it's fine, this is terrible. truly a mess, uhhhh klaus is kinda drunk?, would have posted this earlier but i got caught up with zelda</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 19:28:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>762</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28340199</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thetrueihaveaname07/pseuds/thetrueihaveaname07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where they're all in the bathroom while Allison dyes her hair, and Klaus ends up drunkenly spilling about how he wound up in Vietnam.</p>
<p>(for the secret santa thing)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Allison Hargreeves &amp; Diego Hargreeves, Allison Hargreeves &amp; Klaus Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves &amp; Klaus Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves/David "Dave" Katz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>74</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Don't Tell Me You Were Actually In Vietnam</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>WOOOOOO OKAY ive never written anything in my LIFE so this might be terrible. probably should write more if i wanna be an author lol<br/>okay that's not true ive written tons of stuff in school and a few unfinished miitopia fanfictions you guys it'll be fiiiine<br/>anyway this is my entry for the secret santa thing for last young renegayde who doesn't turn up in the search bar. this is late but it's technically still boxing day in the uk so it's fine. it's like 4pm. i SURE AS HELL HOPE this is good but it's fine if it isn't feel free to tear me a new one. anyway good day now read the fic<br/>also ao3 wont tell me how long this is. better be 500 words damn it</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Hey! Hey, Allison, do you mind if I just, y'know, hang out here in the bathroom with you?"</p>
<p>Allison sighed, turning from the mirror to the door with an annoyed look on her face. "Klaus, I'm trying to dye my hair."<br/>
"Oh, good, so you're not busy then."</p>
<p>She scoffed as Klaus waltzed clumsily over to the bathtub. "Y'know, there is pizza if you want some."<br/>
"Nah, I'm not really hungry, honestly."<br/>
"Well the way Luther's going, there's gonna be none left by the time you're done with your hair, so I'd make sure. Woop!" There was a thump as he hit the bottom of the tub, crossing his legs and opening a bottle of beer. <em>At least it's better than whatever was in his flask,</em> she thought. "What colour are you doing?"</p>
<p>"Purple."<br/>
<em>"Ooooo!"</em> Taking a swig of his drink, he wondered, "Is that your favourite colour now? I thought it was yellow! Or was that just whatever you found?"</p>
<p>Allison smiled, running her gloved fingers through her hair. "Nah, I just kinda liked the idea of purple hair, yknow?"</p>
<p>There was a crash from the other room.</p>
<p>Klaus chuckled into his beer. "Uh oh."<br/>
"I'm gonna<em> kill them."</em><br/>
"Eh, not if they kill each other first."<br/>
"I don't think they're smart enough for that." She paused. "Except for maybe Five."</p>
<p>Rap tap tap. They both turned to look at Diego, who was standing in the doorway of the bathroom, apparently not having waited to see if he was allowed in, with a fairly exhausted deadpan look on his face. His voice was equally as monotone as he asked, "Hey, Allison, uh, Luther told me to ask you how much money did you get, and is it enough to pay for the lamp Vanya broke."</p>
<p>Allison tried not to <em>kill</em> her two brothers, one of whom had just informed her of the lamp they'd have to pay for, the other of whom was chuckling himself to sleep in the bathtub. "Jesus christ. I mean, given how cheap the room was, we can probably afford the lamp."</p>
<p>"Yeah, great, thanks." He paused on his way out the door. "Wait, what are you guys doing in here?"</p>
<p>"Having a party!" Klaus joked.<br/>
"No, you're not. Partys aren't held in bathrooms."<br/>
"Well then <em>clearly,</em> you haven't been been to enough partys, Diego, my dear."<br/>
"It's not a party," Allison snapped.</p>
<p>Diego's eyes landed on Allison. And her hair. "Allison, why are you dyeing your hair?"<br/>
"I dunno, I think it's a mid life crisis."<br/>
"Yeah, fair. Actually, do you mind if I uh..." He leaned his head out of the door, from where Allison could hear a whole lot of muffled yelling - probably over the lamp - and then kicked it shut. "If I just hide in here with you two?"</p>
<p>Allison shrugged. "Yeah, I guess." She paused. "What's everyone arguing about, anyway?"<br/>
"Uh, briefcase."<br/>
"Ah."<br/>
"Y'know, I dunno what everyone was expecting, I mean when I used my briefcase -"<br/>
"Wait - Woah, hold on, bro, when did you get a briefcase?"<br/>
"When I got tortured. Anyway, when I used my briefcase -"<br/>
"When did you get <em>tortured?! You got tortured?!"</em><br/>
"Yeah! I mean, Diego already knows, cause there was these two commission guys, the mask dudes - well, one of them was a lady, to be fair, and they were looking for Five, and they kidnapped me, in this very motel actually. And then I escaped and then I found a briefcase in the vent. And I thought I could pawn it, y'know, so I opened it, and it took me to Vietnam!"<br/>
"You went to Vietnam?!" They were both yelling now.<br/>
"Yeah, right in the middle of the war and stuff." Klaus nonchalantly took a large swig from his beer, as though he hadn't just told the most ridiculous story in the world.<br/>
"You fought in the shit?!"<br/>
"Hell yeah, bro!"<br/>
Diego scoffed, trying to seem annoyed, but you could see the smile creeping up his face. "You sure you weren't high, dude?" Allison flicked her eyes between her brothers, desperately trying to keep up.<br/>
"Yeah, cause I had a boyfriend -" <br/>
"A boyfriend, yeah, okay, I don't know why I'm surprised -"<br/>
"And he... <em>died,</em> and then in 1963 I found him again, and he was real, which means I wasn't high, I tried to save his life, and I failed, of course, so. I'm pretty sure I wasn't high."<br/>
"Oh." Diego looked a little crestfallen. "I, uh. I'm sorry."<br/>
"Ah, it's fine."</p>
<p>It probably wasn't.</p>
<p>Allison looked at Klaus, then Diego. Then Klaus, then Diego.</p>
<p>
  <em>"What?!"</em>
</p>
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